The Question with No Answer
by Alithea
Summary: AU setting. Hilde keeps searching, and in searching finds herself further and further from the answer. Femslash-ish.


**Title: The Question With No Answer**  
**PG**  
**F/F-ish and AU Setting**  
**Characters are not mine I am just borrowing.**

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Hilde Schbeiker found herself reaching for lessons where there were often none to be found, or at least none to be immediately perceived. She sat at her desk in the library and ate her breakfast solemnly between sips of mediocre tea. On old copy of Wuthering Heights sat to her right, she was nearly finished with the book, but couldn't find the will to finish the story. She had been expecting a romance and had gotten what she read as a psychological thriller instead.

She sighed and tried to remember that there was something she wanted to accomplish that morning, but she was distracted by her own thoughts. Distracted by her own longing for an answer, that elusive lesson she knew had to exist. There was always a lesson in life, in her failings and triumphs. She wanted this one to be more exacting, but she kept falling short. It made her wonder if the lesson was simply that there was not always a lesson. That, however, was an unsatisfactory answer. It was too simple to be applicable to her situation.

Hilde gulped down the remainder of her tea and then tossed the paper cup and the remains of her breakfast into the trash near her desk. She turned to her computer and set to work reorganizing the old collection of microfiche.

Halfway through her tasks for the day she got up and stretched. She walked out of her dark little corner of the library basement and ascended up the stairs and out into the parking lot for some fresh air and sunshine. Blue eyes squinting against the afternoon sun as she reached her destination.

She looked down at her arms and found them too pale, but she never was able to hold a tan. Her hair felt too long, even though it was clipped short. It was getting shaggy and not as boyish as she liked. She sat on the edge of a cement planter and closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth of the day, wishing she could sleep.

After about five minutes she moved back into the library to finish her work, and the dreary dark of her desk. And as she walked through the library she bit her bottom lip when she spotted one of the regulars sitting at a table. Internally cursing the involuntary warmth of a blush she felt stinging her cheeks whenever she saw the woman. It was ridiculous to her, and childish that she should always find herself in such a state just by seeing the familiar face. She felt she ought to be more grownup than that. Friends often suggested that she try and make conversation, but every time she tried she stammered, or said something incorrectly. And the same silly feeling of a childish crush would overtake her and leave her with no other choice but to flee for her desk.

She set her pace a little quicker so that she could get back to work, but was suddenly stopped.

"How are you today, Miss Schbeiker?"

Hilde swallowed and looked over at the woman. "Oh I'm doing okay. Just getting back to work."

"Don't work too hard." And the woman smiled, the sort of warm knowing smile one of her teachers used to give her. It was the sort of smile Hilde hated because it meant that the woman knew the sort of effect she had on her.

Hilde nodded. "I'll try. You...have a nice day with your...research." She walked off quickly knowing how utterly silly she must have sounded.

She sighed as she sat down at her desk. A co-worker walked in about the same time and chuckled.

"I don't want to hear it, Duo."

"What?" He asked innocently. "You're just very cute today."

She rolled her eyes. "I don't want to be cute."

"Can't fight what you are. I think she likes you."

Hilde shook her head. "I think she's just being polite, or she likes to torture me."

"You'll get over it," Duo remarked.

"Get over what? There is nothing to get over. It just-just- Just a random biological reaction to what my brain perceives as attraction," Hilde said sharply, stretching her reason further than it wanted to allow. "Just leave me to my work, please."

"As you wish."

"You make my brain hurt sometimes, you know that?"

"I do," Duo replied with a smile. "You're still cute, and you'll still get over it eventually," he said as he walked off.

Hilde looked over the contents of her desk and then put her head down. She shook her head and asked, "So what's the lesson?"

End.


End file.
